this one is dedicated to all those who matter

an overdue speech

I was originally writing a creative, insightful, deeper-meaning-of-life kind of shit introduction for this post until I decided that this post has no deeper meaning anyway. For once, I would like to let go of metaphors and write the way any normal ditz would write.

For that is how I chose to be. During my stay in college, I chose to prioritize what to wear tomorrow over finding out if there's anything due. True, I look back and semikindasorta regret not even trying. I see my friends with honors and lie to myself that I could've had honors too if i just wanted to. As much as I don't think I'm innately dumb, I chose to be dumb. And when wonderful things happen to me accidentally, I feel even dumber than how I chose to be. You see, even as a dumb person, I've had my shining moments.

Anyway, so the point is that my batchmates decided to throw a couple of titles at me before we completely left loyola schools. CommBatch King, CommBatch Queen and Batch Queen to name three. Up to now, I still don't know how to take these...is it normal for me to be flattered? Were they mocking me? How do I react when people greet me? Is this for real? Am I real? Who am I, am I the person I think I am, or am I the person they think I am? Why me?

I go back to CommRoast, to which I really owe a lot of talking. When I was named the commking and queen I was not able to give a speech. While I was driving out of the parking lot, I felt like an ingrate not even thanking them or not even giving the expected mushy "i will miss this place" speech. I just stood there and said "well, I hope that we'd all have work by next year" and "di pa naman tayo mamatay diba, we're just graduating." When the spotlight turns to me, I always end up saying the wrong things. I swear. (A week later during blueroast, i will grab the microphone from the emcee and shout to the entire batch "maraming salamat at hanggang sa huling pagkakataon binabastos nyo pa rin ako.")

But as I drove down Katipunan Avenue, I realized that I am proud of the comm majors. (I exclude myself for reasons I would have to discuss another time.) They are so imperfect that it feels real just by being with them. And they own up to these imperfections. Most of all, they don't measure their greatness by how hard their workload is, but by how fun they make hell be. And I should not be flattered that I was made commRoyalty. I should be flattered because they consider me as one of them.

I'm sorry if this post turned out to be sappy, but it did because it is dedicated to those who matter. To those who made me feel that I matter. I am their king and queen after all.

(I would have been so contented with these titles--batch queen is just gravy.)

posted by carl @ 9:53 PM