nobody said it was easy...

so why the hell did i think that it would? my latest major hang-up in life is bj. he has a name but i choose to call him bj because i need to feel that he is beneath me. anything that we could not have, especially if we want it so badly, has got to be beneath us. i just attended up writers' night. it's my first time to attend it. i came there with such grand expectations of what it would be; after all, i am studying to become a writer.

it's funny how such an event could turn into something about someone, and all it takes is for you to set eyes on someone (or get to exchange a couple of words with him, for that matter). rum does not help either.

everything melts.

back to square one: you're plainly undeserving--period. and the truth is, i still want him. he may not want me for everything that i am and for everything that i am not, but i do want hin for everytheing that he is and for everything that he isn't.

you know what, i'm probably gonna delete this entry tomorrow.

posted by carl @ 1:04 AM